I think my passion for op shopping is over. I visited the Camberwell markets today and bought nothing for myself but a book and a toy. I used to have fantastic clothes at uni through dudicious op shopping and I looked pretty stylish.
Even if the above dress was one of my favourites.

Waterloo sunset

Bagels for breakfast this morning. They always make me think about working at Waterloo Station in London in the offices looking over the very busy concourse. There was a bagel cart there which did delicious toasted bagels which you could get with vegemite! Every day when I went to work there I would either sing Abba or The Kinks depending on what mood I was in that day. Ahhh fun times.

Not so much fun times with Miss Z's sleep training, after a very successful night on Wednesday night where she slept for 6 hours Thursday night was hellish. She woke up at 3.30 and just wouldn't stop crying or go to sleep. Yesterday was slightly better but only very short naps were taken during the day and she woke up a lot, every 2 hours at night. I noticed (because my sleep is very very shallow) that whenever Mr KR would do anything in his sleep, snore, have a small nightmare Miss Z would start awake. That meant that I had to get her out of bed, feed her, resettle her and pat her until she fell asleep. Normally the process would only take 5 minutes but it now takes half and hour. And she is still waking up as much as she did when co-sleeping and feeding to sleep. Yesterday was a very sad day.

I am going to stick with this sleep training until Sunday. If it doesn't work then I don't know what I will do. I need sleep so badly.

Crying baby

Well that didn't go too badly. Miss Z seems to be getting the going to sleep thing which is amazing. I had visions of myself bouncing a teenager on a swiss ball to get her to sleep, or having to share a bed with Miss Z when she starts uni. She woke up three times 9.30pm, 12.30 and 4.00 which is a great improvement and I got her back to sleep, after a quick feed, back in her cot with no tears or meltdowns. At 4.30 she woke up again and needed to come back to sleep next to me but that is just so much better than before. I hope that she will decide that she doesn't need the feeding all by herself as I can't possibly cope with night weaning her at the same time as sleep training. At least I am getting my side of the bed all to myself and it is bliss. We have a fancy new mattress as well so it is comfy as well and luxurious.

I realise that this is a mommy blog, which for any readers who remember my old blog isn't really me, but since I stopped working recently my life is my baby. I don't like it much but I just have to get on with it until I find a suitable part-time job. I am thinking about starting up a bit of a consultancy but you need lots of time and dedication to succeed in a small business, and also lots of confidence neither of which I have. The way work got rid of me after my return from maternity leave just shattered me for a while. But I am starting to feel a bit better and have seen a good volunteering opportunity nearby that I can do with Miss Z which is a start.

Things they are a changing

After swearing blind that we would let little Miss Z just find her own way to fall asleep and stay asleep I have finally decided that enough is enough. I know that she is a clever little muffin girl and I just need to gently show her what she needs to do to fall asleep so yesterday I tried the camping out method. I have her cot up against our bed and I just lay down and pretended to be asleep at her morning nap time, while making the little sleep sounds that we have used since her birth. It took 45 mins and lots of tears but Miss Z fell asleep without being rocked or fed for the first time since she was born! I tried again last night and it was one of the most horrible experiences, she got really upset and woke up every 45 mins but this isn't too different from her normal 2 hours inbetween awakenings.

I just did it for her afternoon nap and there were no tears, a bit of cot playing but she tried to lie down and go to sleep for the first time ever! I hour later I am up but hoping that this will do what they promise and teach her to sleep without me. I am happy to be there for her but several things drove me to this

1. she is nearly a year old and I haven't had longer than five hours sleep in a row since she was born
2. I think that she is developmentally ready to learn this skill without thinking that I have abandoned her
3. it isn't just letting her cry it out in a room by herself
4. feeding her to sleep just wasn't working very well anymore. If I have to lie down with her for half hour or more I may as well pretend to be asleep.
5. I just can't have her clambering over me all night anymore.

I hope that this doesn't make me the worst parent ever. I certainly felt that way last night when she was so upset.

general delightfulness

Today has been a day of fantasticness in the Killerrabbit household - I discovered that our local bookshop will buy my second hands books for $3, my pram has a new frame (not new material unfortunately) and I caught up with lots of lovely local mothers.

On the downside little Miss Z is refusing to go to sleep tonight. I eventually had to send in the Dad. She was just not dropping off and rolling all around the bed and cot instead of going to sleep. Maybe its her teeth but it looks to me that all the ones that should be popping through are through now. Seven in one month! I can't keep blaming the teeth for the poor sleep either. She is a clever little munchkin and has started trying to take her own shirt off at only 10 months (or is that normal?) so I know that she does have some idea what is coming when we start our sleep routine. I think that she might just be fighting it because she can.

She is working really hard on walking and is starting to take lots of unsupported risks and steps. It is very exciting. I am hoping that once the walking is mastered that she will just feel like sleeping through the night. Does this happen?

First brownie

Today Miss Z found the container which had the chocolate brownies in it, 3 seconds later the brownies were all over the floor, and in her mouth.

Motto of today - never turn your back on a child with a brownie box

Back from the homeland

Well as I assume no one found me, not even my old school blogging friends, I will probably continue writing for an audience of very few.

I have just got off the plane from a visit with the little Z to the northern Australian town I used to call home and I think that I will be very sad for a little while. I loved being back there, it just feels right for this stage in my life. My friends back there all seem to have kids and may even be on their second. My friends in Melbourne on the other hand are crap. Most of them have dropped off the radar since we can't go out partying anymore. I am OK with this but I just think our life would be more fun and less challenging if we had good support networks, and some family around us.

I am pretty pleased that I am making a couple of good new friends but it is hard as everyone has all the friends that they need, and it is difficult to make space for new people when you have established networks.

I am also a bit concerned as my DH was delighted to see little Z but I felt distinctly underwhelmed with my reception. No special dinner, no special treatment. I felt that he was a bit distant. It just shows me how much work I put into keeping our relationship up.

Anyhooo